i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
