So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
