i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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