Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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