He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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