My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize