im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wear drunk well.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
