I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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