Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
