There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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