Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love having hate sex.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize