puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
