i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
