so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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