You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
