dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
