u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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