she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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