I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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