The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
