from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
