i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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