She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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