everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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