I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
