it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize