This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
