i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
