Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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