mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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