I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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