In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
