i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
