3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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