WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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