But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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