Nicole vs. Life
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
