my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
