their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
