Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
