please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
