I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
