i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
