I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
