I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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