guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
