gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
