So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
