Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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