Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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