thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
