Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
