I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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