you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
