Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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