lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
