So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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