i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
