I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
