I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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