I would go down on you faster than GM stock
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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