Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
