i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize