I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You made out with two different species that night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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