she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
smell my finger.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
