I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i've created a new STD.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
