We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
