Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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