i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
