you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
