just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
