Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
