Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
