Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
