she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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