Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
