Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
