help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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