Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
