I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
