cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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