I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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