I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
