I just made out with a guy for $7.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
