I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
