that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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